A New Hershewe in Town?
a toad news feature
By Francisco C. Shultz
Joplin, MO — When you think of advertisements in 2021, those unskippable Youtube ads about Rogaine and Butterfingers probably come to mind, but for two Joplin titans of industry, billboards are the new podcast fifteen second mid-roll ad.
In a previously non-existent feud, Joy Long, the Joplin Globe nominated Best Insurance Agent of 2020, is putting the HER in the “Hershe-we too many billboards marketing strategy.” The JGNBIA Joy Long’s first foray into the previously uncontested double-billboard over-saturation comes in the form of a modest “twofer” on North Main near Babe’s Drive-In.
But, not content to stop there, Joy “The New Hershewe” Long has put her face on tiny water bottles that must be dispensed in pairs, as seen on her Facebook post from July 27, 2020.
Some might speculate at the connection between an insurance agent and a law firm partnering to flood the market as having a secret sinister agenda, but The Joplin Toad does not want to be sued for defamation, so we definitely do not see that as a possibility.
However, in response to special agent Joy Long’s increased marketing presence, The Joplin Toad has received uncredible intel that the Hershewe team is planning to respond by erecting a 100 foot robot with the trademarked “Hershewe grin” atop the Gryphon building. Robot construction will begin in tandem with the The Harry M. Cornell Arts & Entertainment Complex.
-this carefully researched journalism piece is also total satire. Please do not take us seriously. You can catch more Joplin billboard news by following us on instagram or Facebook at @joplintoad.
designs from a non-existent t-shirt line (that would probably end up existing if you guys said you’d order some)
F.C. Shultz
F.C. Shultz writes stories that place one fantasy element into an otherwise realistic world. His books are about dragons and sea people and honor and family. He loves Ray Bradbury and peanut butter, and lives in SW Missouri with his wife, Sammi, his son, Milo, and his cat, Batman.
You'll find him at fcshultz.com and @FCShultz.