Old Man Hackleman’s 2020 Local Gift Giving Guide.
By Scott Hackleman
Illustrations by Ela Hosp
We are in the final weeks of 2020. This means it’s time to look back on the year, and at what we have accomplished- or didn’t. Anyone who was able to complete goals this year, good news; points are doubled due to an unforeseen global pandemic and an overall feeling of chaos. The things that we didn’t get done? They can become next year's resolutions, enabling us to push off the disappointment of not meeting our own expectations until next spring. (Points do return to normal January 1st 2021).
The other part of this time of year is, of course, Holiday shopping. Who doesn’t love going out and buying stuff to give to friends and family? So without further adieu, I present the first ever Old Man Hackleman Holiday Shopping Guide.
Let’s start with the easy stuff: getting a basic gift for someone to open and enjoy. Go to a locally owned shop and walk around; find something that reminds you of that person. Go check out a local book shop (we have several in Joplin) and grab a few random titles that you think they would enjoy. Weird used books from the 80’s are perfect. My Mom got me a cookbook from the year I was born one year- and it is hilarious. Alternatively, go hit up the Empire Market, or a shop downtown and look around. Amazon’s algorithm and a list written by some jerk on the internet is never going to give you the perfect gift idea... sorry. You know these people, not me, so get your hands dirty and support a local business while you’re at it.
The whole point of gift giving, after all, is showing someone you *thought* of them; not showing them you can spend money on them.
Let’s say you’ve already looked around, or don’t want to go shopping, or have someone that has it all. Go for consumables! We have a candy factory downtown, at least 2 wineries in the area, several breweries, liquor stores that sell fancy beer by the bottle, coffee roasters, and even a couple bakeries. If someone on your list wouldn’t like a can of beer from Chaos Brewing, a box of Truffles from Candy House, or a pound of fresh coffee from Bearded Lady... well then maybe you need to reconsider who you are hanging out with.
Fine, so let’s say you’ve looked all over town, or found nothing, or you need to shop for a diabetic teetotaling insomniac. Most of your other gift guides will tell you to try to make a gift. Let me tell you. I have tried this, and nine times out of ten this does not work out. Skip this idea.
You can, however, have professionals make gifts for you (this is a pro level move). Go looking for photographers, painters, artists and other makers; ask what their rates are for commission work. You could gift a quick photoshoot with a local photographer, frame some flash art from a local tattoo artist, or reach out to a local artist whose work you saw at a coffee shop- just ask if they commission small pieces of art. It’s always hard to beat a gift that’s given with the sentence “Hey, I know you're really into Pokemon and vinyl records, so I had a local tattoo artist draw up Pikachu listening to an album wearing headphones for you.” You win the coolest gift award, and you give your money and support to a local artist.
Alrighty, that should cover just about everyone. However... I will give you one last gift idea. This is for only the truly seriously special people on your list. Give them the present of PRESENCE this holiday season. Take an entire day, leave your cell phone at home (or at least locked in your car), and spend time with someone you care about.
Go get coffee, tell stories, go for a hike at Wildcat Glades, help them with a project at their house, listen to an album end to end, watch crappy movies, play board games, or just hang out. We all get caught up in our own lives, and we don’t take the time to stop and live. We let years pass under the vail of “Well you know how it goes, we all get busy.”
I challenge you to find a way to break this pattern. Take your mom out to lunch. Call up that buddy you never see and see if he wants to come play Golden Eye on 64 for the afternoon. Next time someone says they have to drive to go do something far away, ask if they need someone to tag along.
This may not be easy to wrap, but it will be a better gift than anything you can put in a bag with tissue paper. The time we have together is short- and no one gets out of this weird existence we all share alive. Get out there, spread some good vibes, and support local folks this holiday season!
Ela Hosp
Scott Hackleman
is a 65 year old man trapped in a 35 year old body. Lifelong resident of Joplin, whose entire family has lived in the city limits for well over a 100 years. Scott is a rider of bikes, drinker of coffee, connoisseur of beer, reader of books, lifter of weights, and father of daughter.